When you feel like there is nothing left to live for, go numb. Don’t feel. Don’t feel until you can stop feeling sorry for yourself. When you go back in time and need someone to listen to your story, the one no one wants to hear again because you’ve told it a thousand times – the one that means everything to you – the one that tells the tale of everything you have been through – be silent. Be still. Don’t even think about anyone or anything, not even yourself. “But if everyone could understand what it feels like to be in my shoes or what they would have done if they were abused, raped, molested, giving up dreams just to be loved, to be a single mom while my daughter had an educated father who refused to take care of her financially or emotionally so everything was left for me to do, I know I’d feel better. If they could just understand he lives the life of luxury, not because he earned it, but because he stole it, I’d feel better.”
Telling yourself and everyone your story, the same story they are so tired of hearing, the same story you are tired of living, doesn’t make anything better. It doesn’t make anyone understand. They may even be saying to themselves and to you, “Oh my God – stop already. We know; we know what happened to you. You were dealt a bad hand. Now move on.”
Telling everyone who has told their story in the #metoo movement to move on would be unthinkable. It would be heartless. Yet it is not how these acts affected a person’s life we hear about. It is not the amount of tears they cried we talk about. It is not the choices they made because of what happened to them we discuss. It is the chant of the movement we hear about. It is the finger pointing bandwagon everyone jumps on. People will say, “That’s terrible.” But how many people really stop to think what it must have felt like or know how it changed a person’s life? They can’t really know if they haven’t been through it.
No one can imagine what their life might be like if they too went through what you’ve been through. They just don’t want to hear your story anymore. You may also want to stop telling your story. You want to stop associating something that is happening now with something that happened in the past. The story in your head where you blame yourself for everything because you feel everyone is judging you and wondering why you just can’t get your life in order or why you let whatever horrible thing that happened to you happen – you want is for that noise to stop. If you can’t stop it, get professional help, a great way to start a new story if you can’t do it on your own.
If everyone took the time to insert themselves in your story, I mean really insert themselves in your story; if they closed their eyes and took every single shitty thing that has happened to you one after the other, where would they be now? If they were made to feel like nothing, who would they have married? If their husbands didn’t have a great job that afforded them a great life, how would they be living if they had to raise their children on their own? People don’t insert themselves into your story because they can’t. You can’t know someone’s pain if you haven’t gone through what they’ve gone through. Your friends and loved ones may validate your story but inside you know they can’t possibly know exactly what you’re feeling. I don’t know what it feels like to lose a child and I hope I never do. Would I want to hear the story of how they lost their child for decades? Probably not. I too might be saying, “I know. I know. We all know you’ve lost your child. Now move on and remember them with joy.” The wounded parent knows they’ll never be the same. Their friends and family will know they will never be the same, but they will never understand how it feels, because they haven’t gone through it. It is that pain, those feelings we desperately want others to understand, never accepting they just can’t. Ask the parents of the murdered children of #Newtown. You’re never the same when you’ve been violated. You’re never the same when someone has taken something or someone away from you. Never!!!! So what do you do? You do the only thing you can do. Write a new story. Writing a new story doesn’t mean the horror of the past never happened, it just means you’re going to do your best to discover as much happiness as you possibly can because you’re still alive. You have two choices: Cry for the rest of your life or make the rest of your life mean something; most importantly, mean something wonderful and joyous to you. It is a choice.
The question is what kind of life do you want for yourself NOW? You’re in control NOW! It’s easy to drown in all your pain which results in the suffering that makes you feel like you can no longer breathe – that makes you WANT to no longer breathe. If you put all the years you’ve cried into one place you would have a body of water where you could literally drown. Don’t drown. Pop your head up and swim toward a new life. Move toward new goals. You can’t rewrite your past but you can write a new story for yourself. Who cares what people think. They haven’t walked in your shoes and that’s all you have to know. Hold your head up high. You may have had a losing hand for so many years with the cards you’ve been dealt, but there are always new cards to be dealt. How do you know you won’t get a royal flush this time or hit blackjack! As the saying goes, “You have to be in it to win it.”
How do you win at life? Don’t quit. Don’t you ever quit. Do whatever it takes to reach one goal at a time, even if that goal is to get out of bed today. Baby steps. You have to walk before you can run. When you’re ready, ask yourself if happiness is your goal instead of money. What do you want to do with your life? If it is something humanly impossible like flapping your arms and flying like a bird, then make an adjustment and go sky-diving or take a plane and fly somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
On your journey to happiness, you might have to make many adjustments. You might have many obstacles; but never forget your goal. How will you get there? Only you can figure it out. If you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way to make your dreams happen. You’ll tell your old story in one sentence instead of walking yourself and everyone else in your life through all the pages of your pain. That new sentence will be: “I had a tough life but I wrote a new story and now I’m basking in glory.” Doesn’t that sound so much better than repeating your old tragedies over and over again to yourself and others? It doesn’t mean the cruel events of your life doesn’t matter, didn’t affect you, or wasn’t grossly unfair; but now you can use that story to inspire others by the new story you write for yourself. You’ll become an example of hope. That’s a story you can be proud of. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGING YOUR STORY. DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. JUST DO IT!!!!!
Posted in #goals #SelfHelp #SelfLove #Changemylife #Hope #Metoo| Tagged ABUSE, GOALS, MOTIVATION, SELF-HELP | Leave a reply