If you want to find out the answer to that question – ask your teen. If your relationship is in turmoil and you find you are asking yourself,”What happened to my sweet little girl (or boy)”, sit down with your teen and have a discussion – not a screaming match. But the most important thing is you have to come to the table owning your own stuff! If your child is disrespectful toward you – what is your part in this problem? Do you speak to your child with respect? If your child is hitting you or others – have you raised a hand to them? Do they witness violence in the home or in their own environment?
Instead of entering the screaming match competition, be the leader; be the parent. By admitting any mistakes you’ve made and/or offering direction for any mistakes they have made or others have made, you teach your child responsibility. A kind heart and LISTENING helps a lot. Do not say,”That’s not what I said or did”. Rather – validate their feelings, i.e. “I know you feel that is what I said, and perhaps I did, but the message I was trying to relay was…..”.
In any dialogue, instead of wasting time on being an accuser, spend your time in being a problem solver and a parent who wants to help. As my grandmother used to say: “It takes two to tango!”